


Are You Still Confused?

by broadwaylesbian



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, theres not a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 22:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10259741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadwaylesbian/pseuds/broadwaylesbian
Summary: Race wanted to say no. He wanted to tell Spot that he liked him, wanted him, wanted more of this, but he couldn’t form the words.Originally published on Tumblr





	

**Author's Note:**

> Anon requested:
> 
> 10: Things you said that made me feel like shit  
> 14: Things you said after we kissed

Race knew Spot was okay with him being on Brooklyn turf, but the way the Brooklyn newsies watched him when he spent the night on that side of the bridge still made him jumpy. Today he had finished selling early in the day; there was a train crash in New Jersey that had killed a bunch of passengers and made for a good headline. He decided to spend the afternoon at the races at Sheepshead. He may have stayed a little too late, because it was dark out, and Race didn’t fancy trying to walk back to Manhattan this late. He had enough money to pay for a night at the Brooklyn lodging house, so he made his way there. Race found a bunk that wasnt already in use and figured his best bet was to avoid the other boys and get some sleep. He could feel eyes on him as he stripped to his undershirt and climbed into bed. He had almost fallen asleep when he felt someone tapping him.

“Hmm?” he grumbled sleepily.

A kid, not any older than thirteen, was crouched next to him. “You’re Race, right? One of Jack Kelly’s boys?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Spot Conlon wants to see you. He’s on the roof.” The kid scurried away, and Race sat up. He ruffled his hair and pulled his pants back on, but didn’t bother with a shirt. It was July, he’d be plenty warm.

Spot was smoking on the roof when Race reached him. The clang of boots on the metal fire escape eliminated any chance of Race sneaking up on Spot, so he wasn’t surprised when Spot spoke. “Were you gonna spend the night without saying hi?”

Race leaned up against the edge of the roof. His elbow touching Spot’s arm. “I didn’t see you downstairs. Didn’t want to go looking.”

Spot handed him the cigar and Race took a drag. “Win anything at the races today?”

“I made a dollar.”

“Not too shabby then.” Spot gave Race a once-over. “I missed you. You haven’t been around as much.”

When Race looked at his friend, he tried to ignore the way Spot was looking at him--hungry, but guarded. He swallowed and took another drag. “Haven’t had very good headlines lately. Takes me all day to sell my papes.”

Spot was closer to Race now, and Race’s heartrate had picked up. He didn’t know why he was getting so worked up over is friend.

That’s a lie. He knew exactly why, but he refused to let himself think it.

He was so distracted by the feel of Spot’s arm against his, shoulder to elbow flush against each other, that he didn’t hear Spot ask him what was wrong.

“Race?” Spot said. “Are you okay? You got real pale all of a sudden.”

“I can’t think with you next to me.” Race whispered, so quietly he wasn’t sure if he even said it. He hoped he hasn’t said it.

Spot stood straighter, but didn’t move away. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

So he had said it. “You…you confuse me.”

Race looked into Spots face and saw it again: want. And Race was lying to himself if he didn’t feel it too, but he couldn’t say it yet. Not in his head, not out loud. Spot still hasn’t said anything, but he was moving closer again. Race was surprised to find that he was too. That’s how it happened. The two of them getting closer and closer until their lips touched. Race didn’t move, the only evidence he wanted to kiss at all was the sigh he let out when they met. But Spot took over, cupping Race’s jaw and moving his lips softly but firmly over Race’s.

It wasn’t until Spot ran his tongue over Race’s bottom lip that Race responded, pressing himself against Spot’s chest and opening his mouth with a soft moan.

When Spot pulled away, Race chased after him weakly. “Are you still confused?” Spot asked. He held Race softly, but his tone was hard.

Race wanted to say no. He wanted to tell Spot that he liked him, wanted him, wanted more of this, but he couldn’t form the words.

Spot looked into Race’s eyes. “I see.” He pulled away from Race entirely. “When you know what you want, I’ll be here. But I’m not gonna kiss you in the dark only to be thrown aside every time you freak out.”

“Spot, I…” But even then, the words would come past Race’s throat. Spot started climbing down the fire escape. “Don’t do this.”

He stopped moving. “I’m not abandoning you. I’m waiting for you.”

“For how long?” Race asked.

Spot looked over his shouler at Race. “How long are you gonna take?”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @broadwaylesbian. I'm always open to requests


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